“I miss those days.” It’s a phrase that gets uttered to me regularly by veteran moms that encounter me and my children at the grocery store or at Target (because let’s be honest, those are the only places I really go to anymore.)
At first when I heard this phrase, I was stumped, because as my husband put it: these days our household feels a little like trying to juggle, but instead of balls you have chainsaws, and instead of standing comfortably in one place, you are forced to run suicides the length of a football field for eternity.
There’s always a flicker of sadness in their eyes as veteran-moms talk to me about their grown children. I am trying to figure out why? I don’t mean to sound patronizing or unsympathetic to their pain, but I can’t figure out why raising children has to be so dang sad for mothers (and not usually for fathers.)
When I get into bed each night I am exhausted and depleted. And yet, I ask myself will I too inevitably miss these days of perpetual chaos like all seasoned moms before me? How?Is a future of sadness all I have to look forward to as a mom? If so, how can I elect out of this?
I don’t want to believe that the best days and my favorite days with my children are in the past or where I am at in our season of life right now. I have to believe that there will always be even better days up ahead in the future.
I don’t want to pine for things I can’t make happen again. I don’t want to long for any moment other than the moment I have with them in the right now. Otherwise I would feel like I am failing to be a part of who they are in the present.
One of the prayers I pray every single day goes something like this, “God, please help me to make the most of the time I have with my children now, so when my time is done, I will never want to long for the past. Help me to always keep my head and heart in the present and to look forward to the future with joy and anticipation, not dread and grief.”
I can’t bear the thought of having to deal with missing these days. Especially when some days I just wish these days would be over.
Or maybe, I am just being terribly naive.