Supermom: Adjusting to Life With a Second Child


“They” always talk about how the sibling may have a hard time adjusting to the new baby, but not much thought goes into how the parent(s) will need some time to learn how to adjust too.

I’m generally not an overly emotional person (at least, I like to think so: ) I allow myself to feel emotions, but I like to process them, deal with them, and then move on as quickly as possible. But I’m not able to move on in this situation just yet.

For 2 1/2 years, it has been me and my son. And part of me is grieving for the time I am losing (and lost) with him, because my daughter is in a place where she needs my undivided attention. And very little is left over for him. 😦

Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy to have this little girl. I thank God everyday for giving her to me. Now, I can’t imagine going back to a life without her. But I feel so torn. Each child needs me, but in very different ways. I feel awful, because I feel like I am giving each of them less than what they deserve. Not to mention my sweet husband…and then there is me too.

I know at some point I will figure it out, because I am not the first woman in the history of mankind to have a second child. And maybe some women have transitioned better than me? But my goal for this post is to tell other moms, It’s okay if you are struggling with the transition too.

It’s okay, you aren’t adjusting as quickly as you’d like to. It’s okay, part of you is sad for one child, and happy because you have another. It’s okay, to feel guilty.

Give yourself time to learn how to be a wonderful parent to both of your kids.
You will get through this. And you will figure it out. You will find that balance again.

I think so many times, mothers carry a bigger cross of guilt than the fathers, because we feel obligated to be SUPERMOM. (No offense, dads.) Perhaps this obligation comes from us trying to personify the standards assigned to our gender role? Or maybe it’s from the societal pressure to have it all and do it all, successfully? (I blame you, Pinterest.)

But as I read somewhere, “Nobody gets an award for being supermom.” So, it’s okay to miss the mark some days. Really.

You are allowed to fall short. You are allowed to fail. You are allowed to make mistakes. Because you are feeling out this whole parenting thing: You are seasoning the soup as you go.

Hang in there mom.

You ARE wonderful, so don’t let your doubt or your guilt tell you differently. You are amazing.


2 thoughts on “Supermom: Adjusting to Life With a Second Child

  1. It took me a good 9 months to adjust to my second daughter! And by adjust, I mean feeling like I wasn’t drowning every day. At about 9 months I finally felt like I could tread water with my head above the water line, breathing air again. It is damn hard when you introduce the second child!! I feel you mama. Hang in there. It does get better. But, I gotta say, even after 18 months it is still a daily struggle to meet both child’s needs at the same time. Each has their own desires, schedules, feelings, needs, and we just try to do our best daily. It’s not easy. But, when I see my daughters snuggle up beside each other, the older one teaching her younger sister the way, embracing, laughing, loving…..there is truly nothing better in this world.

    Like

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