I’m switching gears here, and posting something a little more “journal entry’ish,” and maybe even a little motivational…
The whole point of this blog was to log the progress of my dreams–not just for friends, family and strangers, but for me as well. Sure, it also is an outlet for my thoughts, an opportunity for agents to find me, and a “brick” in the platform I’m trying to build. But mostly, this blog is to serve as a reminder of how far I’ve come, especially when I feel like I haven’t gotten very far at all.
Ever since I set out to follow my dreams, there’s been a constant emotional battle. It’s a cycle I repeat over and over again: (Step 1) I am extremely optimistic, (Step 2) Then I become impatient with my lack of progress, (Step 3) I overwork myself, because I think it will help me get to where I want to be, (Step 4) I get discouraged, because I am not meeting my expectations, (Step 5) I get blue, and then, somehow, I find the energy to start back at step 1.
Yes, I have been discouraged…a lot. But, even if I wanted to give up, I couldn’t. Because this is what I am meant to do. I know that as much as I know that I am alive right now.
I’ve been querying my butt off and have sent 20 something letters to literary agents, and so far they all keep singing the same tune: “I didn’t click with your work, but another agent may feel differently. Keep querying and good luck.”
I don’t mind being rejected. I don’t take their rejection letters personal at all. In fact, I’m just grateful when they respond, because many agents don’t have the time to do that anymore. (Thank you agents for responding and for being so kind! :))
But what I am mostly bothered by is my fear of getting to the end of the road, running out of pathways. I can’t help but feel like I’m running out of options sometimes, but I guess, I’ll cross that bridge if I get there?
So, I press on, because there is no success without failure.
When I was teenager, I used to be so afraid of failing. Somehow I believed that if things didn’t come naturally, then they weren’t meant to be achieved at all. But somewhere along the way, I learned that if you want something bad enough you can make it happen. Failure is just a test of how badly you want something, not a representation of how worthy you are for something.
Walt Disney believed in his vision for Disney World. It has been reported that he was denied a loan from 302 banks. And a record company told the Beatles that they “have no future in show business.”
So, I think what it boils down to is this: the intensity of your belief must always, always, always outweigh the quantity of rejection received.
Sure, I haven’t achieved my goals yet. And sure, there are other people who are more successful than me. But I know one day I will reap my reward. I just have to act, believe, and repeat.