I’ll admit, I live in a bubble. A pretty, perfect, rosy little bubble. Which is why when I found out about Baby Boy Bakery , and read about this family losing their beautiful little boy at the tender age of 3… I lost it.
Someone once said that when you have kids, you just can’t even deal with the thought of someone hurting or losing their child. Even if it is a fictional story in a movie–you can not bear it.
This is so true. When you are a parent, you can not imagine EVER having to deal with something happening to your child. The thought alone is too painful.
Jacqui Cruz started her blog (Baby Boy Bakery) chronicling her life with her sweet little boy, and now she must chronicle it without him. The amount of agony I feel for this woman, it is unbearable. I can’t stop crying.
I don’t want to make someone else’s pain and loss about me, but I must say the lesson I have learned in such a short amount of time from her pain and loss is life changing.
There are some mother’s out there who LOVE giving their children every second of their time. It is like they are The Giving Tree, always there for their child and their child’s needs. They are the most selfless moms on the planet. I would put my mother in this category. She is one of the most selfless people I have ever met in my life.
I am not one of those moms. I am a very independent person. I am also an introvert. I recharge my battery by being alone. I LOVE being alone. I dream of walking the streets of NYC and going back to a shoebox apartment, without speaking to anyone. Don’t get me wrong. I love my child and my husband, but every now and then I need a break.
But now I realize, loving my child has made me so unbelievably vulnerable. In a snap, my whole perspective on life could change just by being dealt a hand of bad cards.
Jacqui’s grief has taught me that good days or bad days, I need to enjoy every single second I have with this child and treasure every bit of it. Because (1) He won’t be a child forever, and (2) our tomorrows are never guaranteed. (I could barely even write that sentence.)
And now, I feel guilty for sometimes wishing I was in a fancy hotel room by the beach all by myself, when I fall asleep at night. I feel guilty for losing my cool, when my son is being unbelievably difficult. Because I do not know what I would do without him. I can not bear the thought of losing him. That’s putting it lightly.
Children are the most wonderful gifts in this world, and I now understand that. I could not ask for a better gift. Bringing this lesson full circe to the “Reason for the Season” I can’t even imagine Mary watching her son get crucified. I would be throwing bows.
I can’t imagine being God, creating this amazing child, and knowing that in the end he would suffer the ultimate sacrifice for a greater good of all my other children. I can not even imagine knowing that before my child was born, exactly how he would die.
I can not imagine being Jesus and knowing this covenant I had with my parents was all for the sake of my brothers’ and sisters’ salvation–some of which don’t even deserve to be saved–but I am tossing out the life preserver anyway. Because love is more powerful than anything else in this world.
Like many other animals that were sacrificed before him, Jesus was born in a stable, As if God had to remind himself what he put this sweet little child on this earth for. People may think this makes God heartless and bad. I disagree. I think this makes God humble and selfless. God is like those selfless moms. He is The Most Giving Tree.
What would you think of your parent’s if they, and your sibling, agreed to give their life up for your benefit? You would know forever how much you were loved.
God bless you and your husband, Jacqui. May you find comfort and peace from the One who knows the intensity of your pain and grief.